1.Years passed…
Years passed after we broke up… I never had time in life to think about her, and those good old days. Time heals every wound. Yes, this time just takes away from people those feeling of affection and pain, perhaps I loved to bear that pain than to be in joy. When we gone separated after a long friendship (or love), life was free of worries for me. After that painful separation I was sure that she never liked me anymore, although she proved me wrong-that love was still somewhere alive in her heart. She loved me once, years back when we were just stepping into a professional education. That legend of friendship and love was over more than a decade or so. Those last days were very painful, we fought and cried, and at last just stopped this relation in a few messages. I thought she would be fine if I stopped “disturbing” her- as she said. So I too never gone for a reunion or in her words “a compromise”, nor did she, although I sometimes dreamt of it.
But what is beautiful in this life if this love and friendship are just adjustments and “compromise”? Would anyone always love to adjust? Or rather like to live in his own way? We all are humans, just bare humans who cry, shout and like to be happy all time. And we are sometimes ruled by our heart and emotions rather than the logical brain. And may be that’s why we are ready to adjust with those loved ones. Also this social animal could not live by himself, he always need someone to share. And this is the fundamental philosophy behind every relation.
She was a friend whom I once thought could not loss. But we lost that sweet friendship in the course and timing of this world. Some silly fights that developed into big problems, which we never recognized as the end of our friendship. Of course, we have fought a thousand times over many silly problems- must men be taller? Must girls be slim? How is my hair style? And so on. Later we fought on much silly things like, “I don’t like you talking to that girl/boy”. At first she and me adjusted with each others such dislikes, later it became fights, she burst out into tears sometimes and life was sad most times, but after we solved every problem we could still love and care each other. Those were time I known her well, that silly good girl was more than a good friend… a good friend and my “sweetie pie” as I called her. This “possessiveness” as the society calls it arises in every relation. But most of them consider this phenomenon the sole sign of “love between a girl and a boy”. But it is in fact a sign of love for someone and the fear of losing that person. It is very natural, very common and almost inevitable.
Today is her marriage. That wedding card I consider as the biggest gift she ever given to me. That gift was so precious, after many years passed and a big surprise for me. I never thought that she would ever send me that, those struggles that broke our friendship and love had indeed such large impacts and magnitudes. Although we lived after that just like strangers, she was still in my mind, soul and everywhere. And I occasionally get some calls which I found later was from her. She phoned me at times, never spoke, kept silent listening to my voice, and wept sometimes and the line was cut. Later such signs also diminished. In this cold day of june I thought, must I go for her marriage?
Yes, june. Memories of june are precious, nostalgic and would fill my eyes with tears. It was one such june that I met her, those days are still clear in my mind… those precious days.

നേര് വഴി കാട്ടുന്ന തോഴിയായി...

Yesterday, it was a cool day of June. The nature made the land and my mind cool and calm. Rain brings in me nostalgia, which I like to remember with a bit pain, a pain that I would love to bear. It is the month of rain and in the same rain, a couple of years ago; she came in to my world. She is my friend, not just a simple friend; a friend that I would love to see and her sight would bring in me some strange emotions. I feel that I am someone gifted when she is with me. I don’t know if that is love, attraction or whatever the poets call. But I am sure that she is my best friend who I can never forget. I want to tell this to the whole world, and to me things are real only when they are written. And to her, the spoken word is valuable. Though we were very different in so many such aspects, we are still good friends. Now when writing this, we friends are going to fly apart from our school. Everyone choose their way. And this is the right time for me to retrace those moments I would love to remember.

She is very beautiful. Her eyes like that of a deer, wide and blue, expressing a depth of feelings in a single sight at me. Her face is pleasant, and her curly hair reminds me of the immortal legends of love-the fierce and immortal love of Laila and Majnu, of Romeo and Juliet - and every other saga of this beautiful feeling. She was short, but still she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.

I was a teenager knowing little of the real world when I joined the junior college. My objectives and expectations of life at that time may sound too high – to be a celebrated person, to be a good husband to a sweet girl, to be a good son to my parents, to be a good parent to some kid and many more. And I got a distorted view of world from my society which considered money as the key to all my dreams in life. She showed me that there are some things that money could not buy; she taught me the need of trust and good relation with people. She showed the real human in me – the man who cares, the man who loves and trusts.

My first memory of her was when I was on the way to my school during the first months of plus one. I was alone walking with a heavy bag and an umbrella and a few girls walked ahead of me. It was the time I loved the rains, and walked slowly hearing to its every tone. The rain continued its song and the nature made a romantic and rather cool background. May be nature too loved the making of a friendship. And as those ladies walked ahead, someone asked me,”Hey sreekesh, how was the exams?” I said that the exams were just ok and went in its way. And suddenly she interfered in between, “hey you girl, why asking such silly questions, he will get full marks”. I credited the comments but was having no cooked words to say. This was the girl I made the friendship with. She is Parvathi.

It was the time when orkut became popular. I had at that time an orkut account, a dead one, practically of no use. I found that all my new friends had account in orkut. So I too decided to utilize it and I sent friend request to all. And she too became my friend in orkut. I used to send her some scraps too, although she at first never sent me a reply. I must say of Joseph, my friend who tried to blossom this friendship. Joseph was a good friend of Parvathi. Although I never talked to Parvathi at first, his friendship with her made her talk to me.

It was one sunny afternoon of an august that is still alive in my mind. We talked of ourselves and she understood by that time that I am a good boy. She spoke as if she had known me for a long time. It made me feel free to her, and in course of time I was able to share my every feeling with her. This was the first time I got a good friend, I felt so happy; I felt like I have one the world. Her small gestures of kindness and help gave me great happiness. We began chatting through internet and talking through telephone. She was happy those days because I was the only one to call her in phone.

I still remember the day I first phoned her. By some reason, we were having class till noon only and I was in a hurry to celebrate the afternoon. Such half day classes were great relief. And the phone ringed. Janice miss (my beloved physics teacher) was on the other end. She told me to call some of my friends to inform that there will be laboratory session next day. I called her and told the piece of information. And she talked to me for some time. At first she asked me, “is there no one at your home?” “Yes, mummy is sleeping” I replied. She said, “I thought you stole the phone. Aren’t you afraid to call me when parents are at home?”. I answered no although I was half lying. She asked me of my mum and dad. And I told her the whole story. In between the line got disconnected.

The next school day both of us were anxious to say something. It was an exam day, I remember very well. My hall was on the second floor from top and all the girls were occupying the top floor. I have gone with Joseph to the upstairs. And some girls called us into their hall. We were all asking each other “have you studied? Iam afraid, I don’t know a single chapter”. And Parvathi asked me, “you cut the phone line last day or was it cut automatically?” I convinced her that it was some fault with the line. Now everyone heard as talking this. And I was forced to speak. I told to all those girls (only some close friends-Jennifer and Marina and some one else was there) that she never puts back the phone once I call her. But this time her face turned upset for the first time because of me. I don’t know what to say her. She was hurt although she doesn’t cry. After all the gathering was over, she came to me with a sad face. She said, “You must have told it to me first, before telling everyone that I am very talkative on phone”. I too felt very sad, she trusted in me as a good friend, and I must not have flashed such news. I apologized her for my mistake and said that I just joked, although my words could not make her happy.

She is a very nice girl. She cried for each and every silly problem at the beginning. And Joseph always wanted to disturb her and make her cry. Although I don’t know why he did so, after sometime, when we became best friends, I felt angry with him as he made my girl cry. And whenever I asked him not to disturb her and make her sad, he always took it in another sense and many others too. They interpreted our friendship as it was between “Romeo and Juliet”. Some could not see any other meaning for the friendship and affair between a boy and girl. And one day she told me that Janice miss has scold her and advised her to keep a distance from boys. Although I know her mind a bit, I believe no one else understood it as I did. She never meant anything else other than friendship when dealing with boys. And sometimes she felt attracted to some boys; I know it is her age that makes her to feel so sometimes.

Those were the time we loved to walk together and talk together. We felt that we never got enough time to be together. And once she messaged, “although we are like the two needles in a clock that meets occasionally, we are good friends” We forgot the restrictions imposed upon us the spy eyed staff at our school. Although they never noticed us, some friends really mistook us. I think among those who understood our friendship well (there were only few such people), Joseph was a great supporter and a good man to ask for an advice. He is a man who knows the real world well. Entirely different from me, but I could accept him, he is a real hero. Among the very few people I admired, he is one. And another one was Jennifer-a simple and smart girl. She appreciated me once for showing such a trust and care for her. I think it was the time in my life I understood my mind and learned to be a good person. I was changed too much in that short span of a couple of years.

She was more than a best friend- she was a guide, she was a teacher and she played something that I don’t know to explain. Her family is a simple one- father, mother and her elder brother- but bigger than mine. Yes, she had a big family in many aspects; she had a brother-Sharon- who loved her like the ocean that dashes the shore. What I lacked- a good bother-she had that and I believe that she know my pain. She was free to tell anything to her brother, she had someone to share everything. But what about me? To whom do I tell all my woes and worries? Who will console me? I had none and I seen my sister in her eyes. She very well know something of me, of my fragile mind, of getting emotional in no time and she promised me that she’ll be there to share my happiness, sorrows and solve those problems that really disturbed. She told me so much of her papa and mamma.

Even the things are so why I hate her now? and loves her more than that... That is the strange tragedy I want to tell. So much of this was only a prologue. It is true, it is earnest, it is as human as I am.

കാലം എത്ര മാറിയാലും മറക്കാന് പറ്റാത്ത ചില ഓര്മ്മകള് ...